To Defile Purity
by Monsieur Mimi
Summary: Based on the Volume 1 quote: "When I look at you, I want to defile you sometimes!" A Rociel and Katan Story


This is my sixth fanfiction. It's terrible, I know, but I wrote it very quickly in a sudden desire to write some Angel Sanctuary. Focus is on (as always) Rociel and Katan, this time I actually do have a little bit of shounen-ai, but only at the end.  
  
This story could be set anytime after Volume 6. It's PG-13 because of the kiss. This story was of course inspired by the Volume 1 quote that is at the beginning of the fanfic.  
  
Told from Rociel's POV (*Gasp* is Sayuri not doing it from Katan's POV for the first time?)  
  
***  
  
To Defile Purity  
  
***  
  
:: When I look at you, I want to defile you sometimes! - Rociel (To Katan), Angel Sanctuary Volume 1 Chapter Six ::  
  
I step into the room. Katan lies on the bed, soft silk around his pale body, his hair tousled as he groans in his sleep. His skin bare. Beautiful, serene and gentle. I kneel beside his bed, and touch his skin with my hand stroking his sleeping face, feeling the warmth there.  
  
He is so pure. The purest cherubim. My Katan. The beautiful creation. my creation. One thing that is mine, but I try desperately to keep. It is not like with my sister. His love for me stretches beyond anything. In those wide eyes, there is an admiration that goes beyond what love can hold. Unlike Alexiel's it never wavers. It is always there. In that beautiful face that I have watched form, and watched grow. Katan.  
  
But it is tainted now. The trust in those eyes. tainted with worry, and concern. And no longer is the trust that he had for me. Love yes. but no trust. He believes I have changed. And even his love, may unravel from me. I cannot. I will not allow the only one who truly loves me to unravel from me. not after Alexiel. Not after my sister.  
  
He does not understand. Pain. Suffering. Not like I do. He is pure.  
  
Or maybe I am wrong. he was a gurigol. but I released him. I healed his pain. I brought him into the light. I gave him everything. He should be thankful. He should obey me. He knows I am dragged down in the darkness, but he cannot understand. No matter how hard he tries. He does not understand how much it hurts to love someone with everything. and to be despised.  
  
He will never understand. I need Alexiel. Just like Katan needs me. but moreso. Alexiel. who put me through hell, the only person who would not return my love. She gave me beauty, but also she pushed me into the darkness. She is responsible for my pain. I want revenge. I want to be loved. Katan. He is not the same. I need her love. That is what matters.  
  
When he looks at me with those eyes, never understanding what I have become. sometimes I want to show him the pain that I have. The darkness. And then I will show him how he should act. He shouldn't judge me! I am his master! And if he had not taken me away from the torture Alexiel gave me. then. then.  
  
I long to take away his innocence and defile him, and yet I want to cherish it. I despise him, and yet I love him more then anything. My Katan. the only one. the only one who is truly there for me only.  
  
"Rociel-sama." he murmurs, caught between sleep and reality. "Rociel-sama."  
  
He is mumbling in his sleep. Distracting me from my thoughts. I smile, in spite of myself. "Katan-kun" I say, flicking his hair with a long nail. He turns away from me in his sleep, mumbling something else. I lower my face to his neck, whispering so that my breath will tickle his skin. "Katan- kun." I nibble abit of his flesh.  
  
He sits up with a start, awake and alert, knocking me backwards so that I land in a little heap on the floor. He looks around, and I look up at him, blinking sullenly because of the pain in my backside. His eyes widen, and he stumbles out of bed, just in trousers and shirtless. He bows deeply, and attempts to help me to my feet.  
  
"Rociel-sama." he stammers, "I am sorry. I was sleeping. I"  
  
I laugh. So pure. So innocent.  
  
My Katan.  
  
I reach forward and brush a wet, warm strand of hair that was sticking to his forehead. "What were you dreaming of, Katan?" I ask, suddenly wondering why he was saying my name in his sleep, and feeling a slight thrill of satisfaction that he might have been.  
  
"Nothing, Rociel-sama" He says. Lying. He pauses and looks up at me. "Rociel-sama." He starts.  
  
I gently push him downward so he is sitting on the bed, and sit beside him, resting my head on his shoulder. He stiffens at first, but then relaxes, letting me lean on him. I sense his heart beating quickly. Do. I make him. nervous?  
  
"Rociel-sama" he says, eventually, quietly. "Why are you in here? I apologize for asking. but.?"  
  
Is he afraid that I will be angry?  
  
"Katan-kun. do you remember when I possessed the body of the human, Lapis- I mean, Ruri. so long ago now. When I was first reawakened."  
  
Once again, Katan stiffens. There is a long silence that hangs in the air. Eventually he says: "Of course I remember, Rociel-sama. Though I doubt I would ever forget anything about Rociel-sama"  
  
I smile.  
  
"I tried to feed you a pill. And I said something Katan."  
  
My mind feels unusually clear tonight, and calm. I think Katan can sense it.  
  
"I said I longed to defile you. To take away your innocence, your purity" I say. "You are lucky, you do not know pain. Maybe I will one day show it to you. What would you feel, Katan, if you knew that pain? Would you understand me?"  
  
I turn Katan by his shoulders, so that he cannot avoid looking straight at me. His eyes glance at me, and he seems nervous, yet full of remorse. His face darkens. "I know pain, Rociel-sama. Pain that lives within me, within my soul, and my actions. Of course I am not pure anymore, Rociel-sama."  
  
I stare at his soft porcelain-like face for a moment, searching over his features. I remember his reluctance to sacrifice lives to reawaken me. His refusal to kill Mudou Sara. His grief over Teitel's death.  
  
His grief over me.  
  
I place my face close to his and rest my lips upon his own. His eyes remain open, looking at me, shocked, I feel my hair falling around my shoulders, and embrace him as I kiss him. He closes his eyes, and we remain motionless, like statues.  
  
I pull away and stand. "I hope one day I will take away your pain, and make you pure again. Katan"  
  
As I leave the room, his gaze never leaves me.  
  
- Fin - 


End file.
